|Enough of Zoidberg, have a Dera!|
The following text may sound soulless, cold and cynical, please read till the end.
Today was a rather great day!
I wake up early for a change, went to the gym, get back energized, have a tasty breakfast and then a shower, went out to see an awesome military-expo on downtown, get lost but by mere chance I found myself in the “techno-geek” part of the city; on it I found a stand selling the PS4 at a great price (I only have to save for it) and another one which can fix my cellphone for a cheap prize. Then returned home and eat some enmoladas and take the dog out for a walk. Over all it was an awesome, awesome day.
Then I get a call from my B.bro.
The message was simple; grandpa has passed.
I remained calm and asked for him, he said he was okay, then I asked form mom and L.sis, they were fine too, then I ask him how did he pass, he said it was during a calm sleep.
We talk some more, though only for a little since he sounded like bursting into tears, meanwhile I was still calm, I was much more worried for him and my family (core family I mean) than for my grandparent.
Once he hang up, I remained calm and continue with my stuff; clean the dishes, the table and wash my teeth. Then aunt came back and I help her get ready to go, yare, yare.
And still: I was calm… as a matter of fact I am still very calm right now as I write this down. I don’t feel sorrow nor sadness not even a bit of empathy.
In fact I feel happy (not in a bad way! I will explain that in a second). Me and grandpa didn’t have the best of relationships, in fact we argue a lot, not violently though, only discussions regarding personal believes and thoughts. We have no likeness at all, but we neither hate each other, I didn’t wish him ill, I even give him a proper farewell before moving to the capital. In fact I am happy for his departure because he can properly rest now; he always said how much he didn’t wanted to end bedridden as an old man, yet by some twist of life he did end like that: not been able to move anymore, not able to control its body, not been able to eat by its own, even his mind was no longer that of the man he once was, all he had become was merely a carcass waiting for the inevitable.
For him, dead was a deserved rest.
Thus my happiness for him
However what is impressing me is not what happened, but that I don’t feel anything about it but relieve. Worry, yes; but for my family.
Is…. Is that normal?
I know I am way too analytical and cold (been a sociopath has its perks) but still, this riddles me. Could it be that my mind is so much in control that what I call feelings are nothing but a wishful illusion made from some relentless part of my subconscious desperately trying to have a last human part? Does the things I feel for my friends are true? Does the feelings I have for the person I like even real? Or am I simply lying to myself, as one lie about Santa Clause to child?
I don’t know…
And that worries me.
I neither know what else to write anymore, at least for now. So I will finish this up saying: this wasn’t made to appeal to your empathy, neither do I try to brood about myself. I am just confused with what just happen and I thought it was a good idea to write this here.
I will receive any good intended message of course, and will gladly talk to those not so wall intended. I wish you all a good night.
This is V-Oblivion saying “Happy international day of the woman!”
I wish I could have done something for the ocation-